C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“Friendship is – in a sense not at all derogatory to it – the least natural of the loves; the least instinctive, organic, biological, gregarious and necessary…Without Eros [i.e. sensual or physical love] none of us would have been begotten and without Affection [i.e. romantic or familial love] none of us would have been reared; but we can live and breed without Friendship. The [human] species, biologically considered, has no need of” (58).
“Friendship arises…when two or more of the [same] companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden)” (65).
“In [Friendship] love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? – Or at least, ‘Do you care about the same truth?’…We picture lovers face to face but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead…That is why those pathetic people who simply ‘want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be ‘I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,’ no Friendship can arise…There would be nothing for Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something…Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers” (66).
D.A. Carson, Love in Hard Places
Ideally, however, the church itself is not made up of natural ‘friends.’ It is made up of natural enemies. What binds us together is not common education, common race, common levels, common politics, common nationality, common accents, common jobs, or anything else of that sort. Christians come together, not because they form a natural collocation, but because they have all been saved by Jesus Christ and owe him a common allegiance. In light of this common allegiance, in the light of the fact that they have all been loved by Jesus himself, they commit themselves to doing what he says – and he commands them to love one another. In this light, they are a band of natural enemies who love one another for Jesus’ sake” (61).
John Locke, The De-Voicing of Society
“From a physical standpoint, a community is a collection of individuals, but the residents of a true community act like members of something that is larger than themselves” (131).
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2 comments:
I can't say how much I've learned from this beautiful little treasure. Reading it for the first time twenty or more years ago, each chapter struck me as a revelation, and has been a part of the "spiritual furniture of my mind" ever since. (Though living up to it is more difficult.) It gives me food for thought on "like" and "love," how to treat animals, the beauties and dangers of friendship and romance, how they differ, the inherent riskiness of love, the disquises by which hatred can enter the soul, and what it means to love God and for God to love me. I do not agree with Gross above that this book is a more "persuasive apologetic" for Christianity than his other books, but I do think that non-Christians are likely to enjoy it. M. Scott Peck's books, Road Less Travelled and People of the Lie, (the first written as a Buddhist, the second as a Christian) can even be read as "case studies" of some of the points Lewis makes here.
Nick, I couldn't agree with you more. I own nearly 1000 books, of which a few I have multiple copies of: The Bible, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, The Prince. This book I have only one copy of, but have bought at least 5 that I can recall off-hand. That's because I loan it out, and it rarely gets returned (folks always return the Bibles, for some reason...). Anyone concerned with the nature and types of love should read this book. C.S. Lewis compares and contrasts love of God, Family, Lovers, and Friends in a way that makes good sense, is easy to understand, and is practical in real life. Should be required reading for anyone that has just started a relationship of any kind, or just ended a relationship for any reason.
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